Parenting Theories

I have one parenting theory. Everyone pays for their childhood. It doesn't matter if you were a good kid or a bad kid. The fact is that every kid causes their parents worry and stress. Whatever your "thing" was, you're gonna pay for it.

For almost 15 years now, I've been raising myself in a boy's body. Boys are louder, more prone to anger bursts, and more apt to vocalize their general "pissed off-ness" than girls. They also don't think things through as well as girls. That's the only plus. They're easier to catch. I never did anything too bad as a kid, but I got into my fair share of trouble. Coming home late, not being exactly where I said I'd be, liking boys way too much. My son, the little pyro/evader of truth/girl crazy ball of testosterone, is making me OLD. I find myself physically checking up on him, calling other moms, snooping, etc. I hate that I have to, but at this point, my job as a mom requires it. This sucks. He also looks just like Jay did as a kid (which everyone tells him on a regular basis...which he loves). The only thing from Jay that we're paying for is his constant need to be playing a sport. That's no biggie.

For almost 13 years now, I've been raising a girl that's a combination of my grandma, my sister, a very little bit of me, with my husband's sense of humor. I don't understand what makes her tick. She likes boys, but not a lot. The ones she likes are kinda nerdy, but TOTAL mama's boys and extremely kind. She's georgeous, but doesn't know it (Jay doesn't want her to until she's at least 25). She doesn't like to read and HATES homework. She LOVES movies, talking, cooking, and watching EVERYTHING I do. Lately, she's my shadow. She loves kids and babysitting, but she is really small, so most people don't think she's old enough. Physically she's awkward, but is good at running. She can just go and go and go and go..... The hardest thing with her is that I don't know what's going on inside her head, and therefore, as she gets to be an older teenager, I won't know what she's thinking. Scary. She is quick-witted and not afraid to stand up for herself, especially with her brothers. The only reason I can think of that I'm raising a girl just like my sister is that I didn't understand my sister when we were kids and now have another chance to figure it out.

For 11 1/2 years, I've been Mom to a boy that's just like his Dad. We pay for Jay's childhood by watching the pain caused by not achieving perfection. He is nervous the night before a game, to the point of sometimes making himself sick. If he's not PERFECT at something, then he thinks he's a failure. It physically hurts to watch your child in so much emotional pain, brought on my himself, and not be able to ease it. I don't think I've ever told him to "try harder" at anything. He gets the "it's okay to not be perfect all the time" lecture, while the other two get the "you really need to do your best" lecture. It doesn't matter if it's school, sports, or chores. Black and white, no gray area. No creativity. Just right or wrong. I worry about how to deal with his oncoming teenage hormones and his need for perfection. All teens screw up. This kid is not going to deal with it well.

Upon realizing that I am paying for my childhood, and my husband's childhood, I also realized that I'll probably pay for my parenting someday, too. With grandkids. Watching your kids make the same mistakes you did, as a child, a teen, a young mom, etc. has to be one of the hardest things to see. Seeing yourself in all your imperfection is a very humbling experience, and also yet another way we "grow up".