This week has been full of baseball practice, baseball games, 2 science projects, a school dance performance, 2 training sessions, and work. My house looks like a bomb went off. I could hardly drag my butt out of bed, but I did.... which is improvement. My meds aren't working quite up to par yet, and I'm definately feeling it. (my docs been messing with them for over 2 months now) It's all I can do to function on a basic level plus a little. This week I actually went into the office 3 times, which is an improvement over the last several months. I actually made dinner every night but one. I am doing better, it's just taking forever. I'm on the 3rd week of this new med/dose, and it takes 6-8 to feel the full effect. I'm getting impatient, and increasingly frustrated. If you don't want to "hear" my complaints, stop reading now.
I am sick of not feeling good. I am sick of feeling scatter-brained. I'm sick of not being able to concentrate. I am sick of the "I feel sorry for you" look on my husband's face. I am sick of the "Are you better yet?" and the "I'm pissed but can't say or do anything about it" look on my husband's face. I am sick of walking out of the house and then pretending that everything is okay. I am sick of feeling overwhelmed with any task.
I guess the difference is that I am feeling a bit better and now I care that I suck. Hopefully I'll continue to improve and life will be good again. Now I get to deal with the guilt of how none of this is fair to my husband or my kids. It's really hard to keep my brain from saying how much better they'd all be without having to deal with me. The only way I can sum it up is this:
I really hate the fact that fixing chemistry in the brain is trial and error. It takes way too long and is incredibly difficult to deal with. I just wish some scientist out there would figure a way to FIX it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Okay, I got all caught up with you in your last couple of blogs. It sounds like your new trainer is determined to make you strong. (You go girl)! I am so proud of you for pushing it and working hard. About the chocolates, you know I don't like chocolates, but I even think they look nice. I read the last blog, and I am not sure what responds to say. Only, I know that you are struggling now, but you seem determined to get healthier, and I think that you will get better due to your determination and persistance:) I called you tonight. Hopefully, you understood my rambled message. I forgot to say I need to get a little information from Eric to file it out. I hope you guys are doing something fun tonight. We are just having a family movie night. Talk to you soon. Kami
Miss you!! That post made me cry.
hey Shaunee--
I saw you came on to my blog. I am so glad you are blogging! we can keep in touch this way. Now it won't feel like we are so far apart. I look forward to reading more of your posts.
Post a Comment